A FLIGHT ATTENDANT’S NIGHT BEFORE CHECK-IN '

Twas the Night Before Check-In and I'd unpacking to do,

Removing all my sharp objects and my wine corkscrew.

Can't carry our items that are for personal use

Or those that we need if a screw comes loose.

Checked baggage for us is not an option you see,

We leave the simplest of items, including our equipment key.

Now if by chance we make the sensor bell ring

Security can go through our personal things.

From Tampons to Trojans, bras and briefs,

Dirty laundry is shown to all passengers and thiefs.

We're asked to stand, arms out from our sides,

With our legs outstretched, wand and hands on our hides.

You say we have authority, gain passenger respect,

But we're not trustworthy enough to pass a Security Check.

An unknown employee decides if I am okay

To be given a crash ax and a plane to fly away.

Now for us who on the plane we go,

Care greatly about our personal safety you know.

Yet Rampers, Mechanics, Food Service and Fleet -

Not much security for those, who don't fly in a seat.

Big Security for us that Flight Crews go through.

So tell me now - Why don't they go through, too?

Grumbling and complaining the passengers they board.

Mad at long lines, but it's due to the luggage they hoard!

the passengers don't get it - the airlines don't see,

That to limit the "hand-carrieds" would be a great key.

Yes, bring on your skateboards, and your roller bags too.

Wheels with bungie cords - these aren't weapons to you?

No Leathermans for us, no screwdrivers will do.

Better take away our neckties orone pull and we would be through.

The Lav doesn't flush, a bin won't shut -

A latch is loose and I've nothing that will cut.

A carrier won't open so your drink I can pour,

And we certainly can't stop at the local hardware store.

Wine in First Class? You must be dreaming.

My corkscrew was taken in Security Screening.

You want us to search - a bomb scare you say?

But look at those overheads - we will be here all day!

A disturbance on board? A passenger fray?

Grab the Flex Cuffs - they will save the day!

Woops on too tight? And the wrong passenger to boot?

No scissors or pliers - use the Crash Ax! - What a hoot!

Cockpit doors are locked, they are safe and alone

But Flight Attendants too, want to make it home.

So where are our Sky Marshals, so safe we can be?

Covering the Legislators that want to feel free.

My trip is now over, my layover in sight,

I'd like to settle down for a good rest tonight.

But my nails are broken and others are gone,

My nose hairs are growing and my clippers won't work long.

Can't stitch or sew my buttons back on,

Carrying scissors and needles for Crew is all wrong.

So who is more secure - is it them or is it us,

Who you give a multi-million dollar airplane to fly in trust.

Trained to save lives but not responsible enough,

Might as well cut off our hands or put them in cuffs.

Our day starts again and we're expected to smile.

We always seem to go the Crew Member's extra mile.

But keep in mind as you end of your day.

That this heavy security for us is not okay.

Your Pilots and Flight Attendants alone on the flights we go.

Yet not everyone who has plane access has been checked you know.

Make it fair for us all, the same Security Check Screen,

Or it won't be long before we will be making a big scene.

Then night after night as we fly out of sight,

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.